Set Goals + Do It Afraid

A phrase I heard often before taking one of my most monumental steps of blind faith- when I moved from Toledo, Ohio to Pasadena, California with no job, one suitcase, and a plan to stay only 3 weeks- was Do it afraid. Another, perhaps more popular saying on the same note is about courage. Courage is not doing things because we're not afraid, rather, courage is, despite our fears, doing it anyway.

Nelson Mandela said it like this: "I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."

One reason I set myself a goal to write and post weekly blogs was because it seemed far less intimidating (fearful) to me than writing a book! Writing has always been something I do, but not always something I share. Even after getting a degree in "Creative Writing," I had lots of fears to creatively write anything for a public audience! But, as I approached a very defining and monumental life change (giving birth to our first child) I realized that a dream of mine has always been to write a book. For an entire decade, and probably longer, I would tell myself and others that "one day" I will write it. Well, I started! Before motherhood officially begins, and without having a consistent working schedule to adhere to, I somehow mustered up the courage and the discipline to begin writing my book. To be honest, there has been so much grace over the whole process. After less than two months, I'm already 9 chapters in! So yes, I started my book during the third trimester of pregnancy, and I think it was the best time to start.

Along with pursuing courage, I love the phrase: Who knows...?

At a strategic time in history, when the King of Persia listened to the counsel of an evil man, Haman, to set in motion a plan to annihilate the entire Jewish race, Hadassah arises in influential power. Hiding from her Jewish identity, Hadassah becomes Queen Esther. When the death-verdict is issued, her Uncle Mordecai implores Esther to seek the King on behalf of their people. He tells her:

"Don't be fooled. Just because you are living inside the king's palace doesn't mean that you out of all of the Jews will escape the carnage. You must go before your king. If you stay silent during this time, deliverance for the Jews will come from somewhere, but you, my child, and all of your father's family will die. And who knows? Perhaps you have been made queen for such a time as this." (Esther 4:13-14)

When Mordecai says, Who knows? he really does know. He knows that God knows that Esther was put into a position of authority for such a time as this. As history teaches us, she was indeed made queen in order to save the Jewish people and to advocate for their lives. I imagine that she must have needed a tremendous amount of courage to do that! She put her own life at risk, but she and her people were saved because of it.

As part of my goal setting and "doing it afraid", I decided to share a short excerpt of my first chapter here on my blog. Because, Who knows when I'll come back to it?! I know that God knows the timing of starting this book, its timeline to be completed, edited, and even published. But I also make space to take a break from the process for the birth of our child! (Expecting THIS week!!!) So please read on, and then stay tuned :) This will be my last post for a little while (or a long while,) but in the meantime, I will keep on writing. 

And if you enjoy reading the excerpt, I would love your feedback in the comments. :) 

Identity Crisis

Who am I? Where do I belong? What do I believe in?

These are the questions I think all of us have at some point in our lives. Whether we listen to them, giving them credibility with time to reason and understand, or we shoo them away like a pesky mosquito, is how they are played out in our lives. The first question, Who am I? embodies identity in every sense of the word. The second is a question of acceptance. Belonging beckons us to ask, Am I loved? Do I matter? What is the purpose of my life? These all mimic the same sentiment and have the potential to drive us both inwards and outwards to find the answers. The final question, a question of faith, perhaps answers them both.

As the youngest of three daughters, born into a Jewish family in midwest America, I grew up in a suburban neighborhood and experienced a fairly "normal" childhood. My parents were happily married (and still are) and did the best they could to raise us. I went to public school, and Sunday school, had friends, learned to ride a bike, and took piano lessons, which gave me routine and structure. I can't say I remember exactly the moment when I first asked myself the first question: Who am I? However, from the basic elementary school homework assignments, answering questions about our favorite color/ food/ holiday, we all answered these questions in order to tell people who we were. If you asked me as a teenager who I am, my answer would be something along the lines of: I am Jewish. I'm American. I'm a dancer, musician, and writer. In college, it altered slightly to include: I'm a Christian. I'm a student. I'm a barista. However, these answers tell very little about identity. They were more about the culture and family I was born into, my nationality, the activities I did, my role in society or work title. I answered an identity question with an action answer. It would take a long time before I understood that the question of "Who am I" is about being, not doing. Identity is not actually found in what we do. It's way more simple than that, yet can be such a complex journey to understand.